Initially my mind was full of curiosity and anxiety when the wings of the galloping time came flapping toward the date- 10th March1 of this year. I was curious for I wondered what our people would launch as a sign of protest this time against the devil paw of the communist China inside Tibet. I was also worried at the same time, not sure in which manner would the Chinese puppets suffocate the souls that would cry for justice and the spirits which would be screaming for freedom. But beneath this medley of feelings I nursed a strong hope that our people , both inside and outside Tibet would be able to do something solid and substantial this year.
Then it was during the last period on the day before the very date. An announcement from Kashang2 was delivered to us that only the SAVE TIBET and FREE TIBET two slogans were allowed to be employed in order to give shape to our suffering and aspiration. I am cent percent sure that for the miserable souls; distressed by the exile pain and tortured by homesickness, it would have never ever been sufficient to cover their expression for the fact in the depth of their heart. It also appeared little bit of an infamy to my little mind, so young in politics yet so aged and bent down by heavy sentiments of the refugee life. But nothing could be done nor did I want to do something after all. I thought that there must be another side of the matter which the eye of my young mind failed to see or was unable to understand even if it had seen that as clear as clarity could ever be seen.
That night I boarded my cozy night-boat while other students were as busy as summer bees in preparing and boasting the uniqueness of one’s own convincing style of protest or campaign. I watched at them like an innocent lad while thinking and contrasting from deep inside each and everything as a young philosopher. I kept an eye on them from the beginning to the end. Some drew micro-Tibetan flag on their cheeky cheeks, some penned the dictated slogans on the hard- boards. Meanwhile one boy said that the next day he would be the centre of media people’s attention, another one protested that he would be the one instead. But why didn’t they mould some extra distinction when their sole aspiration after all was simply to attract as many media people as possible?
I remained engrossed in this roaring ocean of waving thoughts while it took me unnoticed to an island, the island where I was stimulated to prepare something by myself for the next day’s March-march. So I alighted my night-boat and took out the Tibetan flagged t-shirt which I had borrowed particularly for the particular date. It has a Snow lion flag on front-side but completely blank on its back–side. Therefore I wrote a slogan saying “No lying No dying, Free Tibet” and after all it sounded pretty cool to my sense. May be for it was the real expression of one long tortured-phase of my heart. I had actually just written it only on my shirt but I felt as if I had put it deep into the ears of Mr Hujing Tao3 and made it visible to him as though his spectacle had been mystified to observe it from Beijing. However I was aware that I was not as magnetic as my friends to the media persons.
The next morning, I got up very early and asked our artist to draw the picture of something which I had been dreaming about since I closed my eyes the previous night. It included a Tibetan flag on my forehead and that of China around my mouth. I also suggested to one of my friends to be with me in order to attract the attention of media persons better during our march. Without a second thought, he joined me as his face was clean of images and his mind might have also been empty of ideas. Some even grew doubtful to asking me if I was helping the Chinese instead of protesting against them. I was not startled by them to ask in this way as I had expected it and already prepared the answer to that even before they actually asked. But to them I only answered that I was helping the Chinese to understand their own wrong deeds, because I expected the very question from a media person. As a result of this expectation I kept the real answer too for that media person.
Exactly as I had anticipated, a media person carrying a camera with an eye like a telescope stopped me and took away an imprint of my face as soon as we reached Zoulhang Khang4 in Mecleodganj5. During the consequent events, inside the main temple, on the road down the hill to lower Dharamsala and then down to the Kajiari, I had not been left unclicked by the media persons with their cannon-like cameras. But still was sad to say that none of them did ask me the expected question- “Why had you drawn a Chinese flag around your mouth?”
When we returned to our school that day, we had a short sitting-talk about the day’s events and individual experiences of the day. I too took part in that sharing activity organized by none but participated by everyone in the vicinity. I shared my experience of being shot here and there by the media persons with a sense of achievement. But amidst this hot air of sharing, a person with an expression as if he was the cleverest said that he had not drawn anything nor carried something as he wanted to go back to Tibet one day. Alas! It directly pierced the deepest part of my heart like a butcher’s knife. Writhing in great invisible pain it cried out as if to alert all other slumbering spirits; “Why did my desire of returning and his reasoning of going back to the same far away home have created such a contradiction in our approach?”
Dear readers, my heart could cry no more now even though it desires very much to give you the reason. Its tears had been drained out and its breath had been choked by untold pain. May your divine souls absorb its blood for a divine judgment!!!
- The date when up risings began first time against communist China inside Tibet in 1959. Since then the date was celebrated as Tibetan National Up Rising Day. Every year we go for protest march on that day.
- Cabinet in Tibetan, one pillar of the Tibetan democracy.
- China's present President.
- The main temple of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, which is situated on a hill top.
- The small hill-top village where the main temple is situated. Tibetans mostly call it Mecloed (Dharamshala).
